It is January and like everyone else, presumably, I am contemplating last year and looking ahead at this coming year.
Where am I? Have I fallen back or have I made great strides in my life? Isn’t that, truly, the whole point of resolutions, to finding something to redeem or improve within ourselves?
I am not going to lie, I do not think I am, or feel like, the woman I was in 2014. I took a beating in 2015, there is no way to get around it or sugar coat it to move forward to 2016. I have no intention of staying stagnant so I have to look it straight in the eye.
I think that will be the theme of my year. Not because I chose it but because that is what I see before me as the option.
What do I mean by this? I mean, fellowship is and is likely to remain slim, anemically so, pickings around here.
I have some things on my mind and I am hard pressed to figure out who to talk to. You know, in regular life, you have a spiritual buddy or two. You have someone you go to when you need to hash out an idea, get a second option, or assist with a problem. So when you are basically the lone protestant Christian and your friends are 6 -9 hour time zone away, where does one turn?
Sure, we know the answer is the Bible, don’t we? It is one of those christian phrases we throw out like, “I’ll pray for you” or “have a blessed day” but do we actually follow our own advice to, “look in the Bible?”
It is not always our first instinct, is it? Many times we just want to curl up on the couch and Netflix binge or have coffee with a trusted friend or mentor. Yeah, you know it true, I know it is true.
It is not wrong to look for a friend or mentor to talk to. In fact it is Biblical (ex. Timothy, Titus) but it should never be our only source. We are not called to follow man but to follow God.
And yet, in 2015, I was so battered the best I could muster was a silent broken cry from my soul. I was definitely in Netflix binge mode. Well, Hulu, but who says that?
I think we all could relate to this at some point in our life. This is what life is, valleys and peaks. To say none of us have felt so weighted down at some time (or two or three) in our life would be flat-out denial.
Isn’t He amazing! As heavy as I felt I always had hope. Why? Because He never leaves us there. He patiently waits for us to climb out with a hand extended. To say His grace is sufficient for me is an understatement! Just writing that sentence makes me tear up because the words are so powerful. How can one not serve such a God that grows us and waits with us even through the storm?
I was not at my best and like any human my least favorite parts of me seep out. You know those parts we all strive to cover and hide from the general public. Those parts of us we strive so hard to bury but God knows all about, regardless of our fruitless efforts. Yup. Not a banner year for me.
Ostrich. Lots of wanting to be an ostrich moments.
Not even Job rode a storm and said, “I sailed through that perfectly. I never made mistake or sinned the whole time!” So, never beat yourself up about it, just get up, dust off, and move forward. Storms in life are meant to mold, shape, and purify. They are not tragic low lowpoints in your life because beauty is going to come from it.
Onward and upward!
Feeling like I may be able to breathe again, I am looking forward. I feel both terrifyied and excited to see what lies ahead in 2016. I will miss the direct and immediate (time zones) conversations with friends and spiritual buddies while I am here; however, I choose to see this as an opportunity to be free from distractions and focus on what matters: God my creator, Jesus my savior, and the Holy Spirit my counselor.
Time to refocus and get back in tune with why I was created with my creator. Time to grow deeper.
I would love to hear what you think this year has in store for you.